i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
