Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
