It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
