remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
