Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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