Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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