We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
