I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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