I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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