I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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