come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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