Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
