so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
