If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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