I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
