WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
