How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize