Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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