when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
