I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
