girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
