Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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