Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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