i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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