i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something