if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".