sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.