Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her