Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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