Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
