i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have aggressive nipples.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
