You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
