I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
