How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
