Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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