Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
