he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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