my phone needs a breathalizer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
