is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
