My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
