Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
