My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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