Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
