He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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