I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
