I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
