pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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