Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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