If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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