so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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