She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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