If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
