Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ladies don't puke and tell
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
