If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
jump out the window naked night went bad
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