sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it's like heaven, but drunker
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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