he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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