There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
