i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
