You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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