OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
