I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
