is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
