Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize