Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
