id be glad to
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
