my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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