Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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