I am puke
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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