You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
