your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
