3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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