Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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