Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
