He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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