The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
