I cockslap morals
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
