While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
