how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
