I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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