First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
