Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
