jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
