Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
