i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I color on your dick again?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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